In Loving Memory of Todd

 Dear Dr. Peale,

I became acquainted with your writing strictly by accident. If I had known you were a minister, I would not have touched your books with a ten-foot pole. I was searching for something; I wasn't sure what.

During my search, I had gone to the psychology section of our public library and selected your book, You Can If You Think You Can. I was inspired by what you had written. Although I had picked up books by other authors, they left me cold. I returned to the library to find more of your books.

In the card file, your books were also listed under "religion." This was not to my liking. But I was so inspired by the first book I read that I checked out more books.

You see, I was brought up with a religion that had left me bitter; I wanted nothing more to do with it.

As I began reading your other books, I would skip all the Bible texts, feeling that the power of my own mind was enough. I typed pages of your tips from several books. After a while, I started to put, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13) at the bottom of my typed pages. This amazed me!

I showed many of these pages to my teenage son, Todd. He was also inspired and encouraged me to continue my reading and sharing.

Then, on a cold February day in 1988, one of my son's friends called. There had been a terrible accident. My son, Todd, had been killed.

I could not believe this had happened. Todd was so positive! He had goals. He loved life.

But it was true, my son was gone.

Because my husband, Bill, always worked long hours and we were transferred frequently, Todd and I had developed a close relationship. Todd had found that making close friends in a new town inevitably led to painful good-byes. So, he made it a practice to be casual friends with everyone. We had been in Ohio less than three years when he was killed. I remember wondering whether anyone would come to pay their respects.

To my surprise, the funeral home was packed. People were lined up outside in the bitter cold. These teenagers and teachers had loved Todd. They said that he was always happy and a friend to everyone. One teacher said he had never known Todd to have a bad day. This was because of you, Doctor Peale. Each morning, we read your book, "Have A Great Day."

At the funeral home, I felt as though I were the comforter. I told all of the kids, after giving them a big hug, that they could come over and talk anytime. Several of them told me that Todd had always said I was easy to talk to and that they should visit me anytime. I was surprised.

Kids started coming over to my home. They asked why Todd was always so happy, and I explained positive thinking. I even talked to them about the Lord, and I started buying copies of "Have a Great Day" for everyone. On the inside, I would write, "In loving memory of Todd."

I began seeing the Lord in a different way. However, this didn't happen overnight. It had been eight years since I first read "You Can If You Think You Can." I knew my strength came from the Lord, but I was still holding on to my own strong will.

Then one day, that all changed. It was just another day, but I couldn't muster up enough "positive thinking" on my own to face the day. I felt shaky and was afraid that I was going to fall apart. I knelt down and prayed. I finally admitted to the Lord-- and to myself--that He was the power, and I needed it right then. I felt such peace and love. This is exactly what I've been looking for! I felt as if He were saying, "What took you so long? I've been by your side all along."

Sometime later, the phone rang. When I answered the phone, I recognized the voice of a good friend of Todd's. She was having trouble accepting Todd's death and needed some answers. I told her I did not know how or why this terrible accident had happened, but that I would ask the Lord and get back to her.

That night, I held the Bible and prayed that I could help this girl find her answer. I asked the Lord to speak to me through His word. I told the Lord that I had totally accepted this tragedy. Now, with His help and guidance, I wanted to make something positive out of it. I then asked the Lord to please help me with this girl's problem.

I hadn't read the Bible in 20 years, so I didn't know where to turn for the answers I needed. Randomly, I opened the Bible to John 15:13. It read: "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

Was this the answer Todd's friend was looking for? I called her and read John 15:13

There was a pause. Then she said, "That was just like Todd. This is something he would have done."

Shortly thereafter, the meaning of that Scripture became clear. Nick, the friend who was the passenger in the car Todd was driving, shared details of the accident I had not previously known. Nick said he remembered the day as very cold. Sections of the road were quite slippery.

All of a sudden, the car began to slide. Nick could see a tree coming closer and closer toward him. He remembered yelling. At that, Todd turned and looked over at him. Immediately, Todd turned the wheel with such force that the car turned around. This caused the tree to come through the window on the driver's side rather than on the passenger's side The tree forced Todd to the back seat, killing him instantly.

Gradually, John 15:13 took on greater meaning. You see, I, too, was Todd's friend, and he laid down his life for me that day also. If this accident had not happened, I would no doubt be going down the same road, relying on my own power.

I knew then why I had been typing the words, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," months before Todd's death. The day I had knelt down and surrendered my life to Christ, I also had died. Now I have His power and not my own.

Nothing has been the same since I surrendered my life to God.

Shortly after Todd's death, an advertisement asking for positive people to serve as Boosters for troubled kids appeared in our local paper. My husband and friends urged me to respond. I'm so glad I called that number. I could write a book on the wonderful blessings that have come from my experience as a Booster.

I recently spoke to our church and community leaders, explaining how positive thinking had changed my life and the lives of the children I was working with. It has been a miracle. Several people, including me, were crying when I finished.

My son had been a cross-country runner, and in November 1988, the boys and girls decided to dedicate their season to Todd. They began training without a coach, so I gave each of them the condensed edition of "The Power of Positive Thinking." Both the boys' and girls' teams made it to the state finals! It was the first time in our school's history that either team had gone so far. I even entered a local running contest and won the "gold."

I began each day by talking to the Lord, thanking Him for another day, and asking Him what we should do with it. This prayer has led me to some unusual places.

Doctor Peale, I always carry several of your booklets. If I believe that someone would benefit from reading one, I give it to them. I have heard some wonderful stories because of this!

I have distributed your booklets at our jail, the laundromat, doctors' offices, hospital wards, and group homes for troubled teens. I also visit a nursing home every Thursday night.

Around six months after Todd's death, my younger son Brandon (then three) began stuttering. You see, Brandon and I went for a walk each night, and about this time, we saw a dead, decaying bird lying on the side of the road. Brandon referred to the bird as being "dead, just like Todd." He spoke of Todd often, and many people suggested that he needed professional help to deal with Todd's death. I took the problem right to the Lord.

As I prayed about Brandon's problem, it seemed that the Lord was telling me to bury the bird. But I argued against this. After all, I did not wish to have to bury every dead animal we might see; I did not even want to touch this one!

Finally, I gave in. We scooped up the bird in a bucket and brought it home. We dug a hole in the yard, and we talked. I told Brandon to shake the bird and call it; I did the same. I then told him that only Jesus could wake the little bird. I quoted the Bible and told him that one day Jesus would come back and call with a loud voice, and all who loved Him would come alive again. I said we would see Todd the minute Jesus woke him.

The next morning, when Brandon woke up, he did not stutter, and he has not stuttered since that date--the six-month anniversary of Todd's death. A miracle? Yes, I believe it was, and I knew then that the Lord really did understand the problem.

Last November, our high school played the biggest football game of the year. It was dedicated to Todd, and, of course, our team won. The night before the game, I gave each player and coach one of your booklets in which I had written, "Believe, In loving memory of Todd Heitsch."

Because of Todd's death, hundreds of people have been touched by the Lord's positive power. I thank the Lord each day that he has seen fit to use me to reach others. Todd would have been a senior this year. In his memory, I am giving each of his classmates a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking.

Dr. Peale, I started this letter by saying that I had become acquainted with your writings by accident. We both know, now, that it was no accident.

Update:

By Kay Heitsch

200 stories ago, I began writing TTT.

I began this journey because I had been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I read a story about a man who had RA, and when he dug into his situation, he found that when he got to the root of his problem, the RA almost wholly disappeared. I decided to give it a try.

As most of you know, Brandon, at age three, began to stutter after Todd died. When we got to the root of his stuttering, Brandon was healed.

After writing 200 stories and many about dealing with Todd's death, I have not had one flare-up. Anyone with RA knows these can be debilitating. I've been exercising every day and being careful what I eat, too. Most people would never know I had any problem. Praise the LORD!

I enjoy writing, and I hope to continue, the Lord willing. Right now, I don't know what I'll write about or when I'll start writing again.

Thank you for all your encouragement and for taking the time to read the stories.

God bless each and every one of you.

Remember how I led you on this long journey. Deuteronomy 8:2

200 ~ Available

By Kay Heitsch

The following story had a profound impact on my life. This happened right after Todd died. Now I see God was preparing me to help many other people. God has brought triumph out of tragedy.

When I chose to become a Christian, I told the Lord I wanted to be "available" whenever and wherever He needed me.

Being "available" has taken me to some unusual places. One such place was an old, white-framed, two-story nursing home. The rooms in the house were large, with uneven floors.

To get to the rooms on the second floor, you had to climb the long, narrow, winding stairs carefully. After going up and down those stairs a few times, I wondered how any of those older people could climb them.

Every Thursday evening at 7:00, I would find myself "available" to visit this nursing home. The management said I was more dependable than the staff.

I always brought a basket of wrapped candy whenever I came to visit. I asked the staff who was diabetic so that I could make sure to have some sugar-free candy for those folks, too. I didn't want anyone to be left out.

I walked into every room and greeted each person. Most people were friendly and pleased to see me. Others were gruff and acted like they weren't sure what to think of me.

One older man was in this latter category. Henry would hardly look up when I walked in. He seemed almost irritated that I stopped by.

Every Thursday evening, I would hesitate outside of Henry's door, thinking, "Lord, do I need to go in here? This man doesn't even like me!" Every week, the Lord seemed to say, "Go in."

I had gotten started later than usual this particular Thursday evening when I walked up to Henry's room. I peeked in, hoping he was asleep, so I wouldn't need to feel like I was bothering him.

Just my luck, Henry was sitting on the edge of the bed. "Oh joy, I guess I should go in and get rejected again," I thought.

To my surprise, Henry glanced up at me and said in his usual gruff manner, "Will you help me?" I was startled by the question. "Yes, I'll help you. What do you need?" I responded, wondering why I would have said such a thing. "Good grief, I don't even work here. Maybe I should go find someone who does," ran through my mind.

I was used to just talking to these people. I had never been asked to "help" anyone. I wondered what Henry wanted.

Henry was sitting on the side of the bed in long underwear. This long underwear had seen better days. I noticed several holes in them, and the color was not exactly what it was when they were new. I noticed a pair of old pajamas he had beside him on the bed.

Henry lifted his head and looked me straight in the eyes. I could see that he was a proud man who had probably had a hard life. I was sure he had always taken care of himself. Asking for help would have been out of the question.

Henry didn't want to ask for help, but now he was old and feeble and needed it. "What can I do to help you?" I asked. He pointed to the old pajamas.

In a gruff voice, but soft, Henry said, "Would you help me put these on?" as he glanced at the pajamas."I would be happy to," I responded.

I had never helped a stranger put on clothes of any kind, let alone pajamas. "Well, there's a first time for everything."

I did my best to help Henry slip his thin arms into the pajama top. The material was so light that I could almost see my skin through it. I carefully lined up the buttons with the holes and buttoned each one. I gently straightened the wrinkled collar so it was in place.

All the while, Henry sat very still and remained silent. As I picked up the pajama bottom, I found myself kneeling in front of Henry.

I felt a strange sense of peace as Henry lifted each foot so I could slip the pajama leg on. I noticed how difficult it was for Henry, even with my help, to put them on.

With my mission complete, I stood up to leave. Henry slowly lifted his head. When his sad eyes met mine, he whispered, "Thank you."

I felt tears filling my eyes. I bent down, gave him a small hug, and whispered, "You're welcome."

As strange as it may seem, this was one of the most spiritual experiences I have ever had. How could something so humble have such a profound impact on me? I will never understand. All I did was help someone with a small need.

I may not have understood what happened, but I knew without a doubt that I had just been kneeling on holy ground.

Thank You, Lord, for the opportunity to be "available" once again.

Remember how I led you on this long journey. Deuteronomy 8:2

199 ~ Christmas Traditions

By Kay Heitsch

As I think back on our Christmas traditions, some have remained the same, but many things have changed.

I still make more or less the same treats. I ask what the kids want, and that's what I make.

When Noah and Eli were little, we would go to Columbus and watch Eli in the Christmas Eve program. At first, he was a farm animal, in the program, then graduated to being a wise man.

After the Christmas program, we always went to Bob Evens to eat.

I'll never forget when the waitress asked Eli for his order. Without missing a beat, Eli told the waitress he would be having his usual. The waitress smiled and replied, "Oh, that would be the Little Piggy Pancakes?" Eli nodded, yes. We all laughed and still talk about it.

Traditions are nice, but I don't think Eli wants to order Little Piggy Pancakes anymore.

I'm not sure if we are going to wear our Christmas crazy sweaters like we did last year. Maybe that was a one-hit wonder.

Some traditions change, some remain the same, and some are added. I like it this way.

Remember how I led you on this long journey. Deuteronomy 8:2

198 ~ A Secret Until Now

By Kay Heitsch

In the 1960s, I lived with Aunt Carmeleta and Uncle Fred for one year. They lived in Grand Rapids, Michigan, at the time.

If you don't know anything about Grand Rapids, I will tell you the city is in what is called the snow belt. Grand Rapids gets a lot of snow in the winter.

My cousin, Pat, and I walked to school, rain, shine, sleet, or snow. The school was several blocks away, but we didn't seem to mind the walk.

One day, on our walk to school, it had snowed. But on top of the snow there was a sheet of ice. We literally were walking on top of the icy snow.

The snowplows had come along and piled drifts on the corners of the streets. That being said, we had to walk on top of these icy drifts to cross the roads.

We were doing well navigating the drifts until Pat fell, I started to laugh, and then I fell. I don't know why it was so funny, but the two of us were laughing so hard we couldn't stop. Well, we did stop when we both wet our pants. Can you even imagine?

Now we had to turn around and go back home, change our clothes, and try to make our way to school again. I'm sure we were late. I don't remember what our excuse was; it was our secret until now.

Remember how I led you on this long journey. Deuteronomy 8:2

197 ~ Christmas Surprise

By Kay Heitsch

I was never taught to believe in Santa. I don't know why, except maybe because of my parents' childhoods.

At Christmas time, as soon as the Christmas tree was up, any gifts were put under the tree. I don't remember receiving any gifts from anyone except my parents.

One year, there were hardly any gifts under the tree. Mom explained that it had been a challenging year financially, so that was the reason why.

I don't remember feeling too bad about it. I enjoyed what we did, aside from any gifts, anyway. I did miss shaking the gifts, trying to figure out what was in them.

We usually opened any gifts that were under the tree on Christmas Eve. So I did open a pair of pajamas, which was one gift I always got. Mom and Dad were into practical gifts.

On Christmas Day, Mom told me to go across the street to the gas station because one of the guys there had something for me.

I ran over to the station, and there waiting for me was a set of skis, boots, and poles. Living in Michigan, we had a ski resort nearby, so during the Christmas break, I learned to ski.

This was a surprise Christmas for sure! I got a lot of use out of those skis, too. Another practical gift from Mom and Dad.

Remember how I led you on this long journey. Deuteronomy 8:2

196 ~ Handling Christmas After Loss

By Kay Heitsch

Christmas can be a tough time for someone who has experienced a profound personal loss. Every situation is different.

My emotions after my folks died have been totally different than thinking about Todd at Christmas time.

The first Christmas after Todd died, I had Shannon and Brandon to think about. I wanted them to enjoy the holiday and have good memories. I went through the everyday Christmas things. But it was hard!

I remember I wrote "Lovingly, Bill, Kay, Shannon, Brandon, and in loving memory of Todd" on the Christmas cards. I had to include Todd. It was so weird not to start with his name, naming the children. I stopped doing that after the first year. But it seemed to help me deal with the pain in my heart that first year.

I made things that Todd and everyone enjoys. I still do to this day. The treats are a tradition. I ask, and everyone puts in their request.

I'm sure I'm not alone. Christmas brings back memories and emotions at various times during the season. I miss Todd, and being around family seems to intensify my feelings. I do my best, with God's help, to hold it together.

With God's help, we can get through anything knowing He will bring good out of it. I like to keep that thought.

Remember how I led you on this long journey. Deuteronomy 8:2