32- Help Me Help Brandon

By Kay Heitsch

Grief has many facets. There's the emotional side, but there can also be a physical side, too.

As time went on, Brandon was still looking for Todd. It was heartbreaking. I didn't know what to do, especially when he began to stutter. I started to pray, "Lord, help me, help Brandon."

Our daily routines were about the same. Every day we would go for a walk. When Todd was alive, he would push Brandon's stroller up and down the hills, and I would push it on the straightaway. Now Brandon and I walked alone. I asked Shannon if she wanted to walk, but most of the time she didn't.

On our walk one day, Brandon noticed a dead bird on the side of the road. Much to my astonishment, he stuttered, "That bird is dead like Todd." I didn't know what to say.

As I still prayed, Help me, help Brandon I began to think, "Bury the bird." This seemed ridiculous, and I didn't want to do it.

We went to Michigan to order Todd's headstone. Bill's stepmother noticed that Brandon was stuttering and thought he needed professional help. I couldn't believe I said it, but I told her that God was going to heal Brandon. I'm sure she thought I had lost my mind.

I couldn't get the thought of burying the bird out of my mind. So, even though I thought it was weird, I got a pail and shovel out of the garage and picked up the bird and buried it in the backyard. I talked to Brandon about Todd and the bird being dead. I told him one day Jesus would come back and we would see Todd again.

The next morning, when Brandon woke up, he was not stuttering. I called Bill's stepmother and told her God had healed Brandon!

Years later, Dr. Peale wrote me and said he worked with a Psychiatrist who specialized in stuttering. He wrote in his letter that Brandon needed to get to the root of his issue. Somehow, burying the bird was the root. God knew!

This was a miracle! Even though burying the bird seemed ridiculous, it was the answer to my prayer.

31 - Bertha

By Kay Heitsch

Bertha was a sweet resident at the nursing home I visited. Every Thursday evening at 7:00, I would start out in her room. I kept my jacket and purse there, and after I delivered the candy, we would chat for a while.

Bertha shared several things about her life with me. One thing she was particularly proud of was her granddaughter, who worked as a Christian counselor.

This Thursday evening seemed like any other. But it certainly wasn't.

When I arrived in Bertha's room, she didn't look right. She had a glass of water on her tray and asked for a drink. I put the straw up to her lips. She took a small sip and started to throw up.

I ran out to the nurses' station to let them know. In a calm voice, the nurse said, "Bertha has been waiting for you. She is about to die." Let me tell you, I was not expecting this! I had never been with anyone who was dying.

I didn't know what to do, but I went back into Bertha's room and held her hand until she passed on a few minutes later.

When the nurse came back in, she said, "Everyone else is waiting for you, too." I don't know how I did it, but I went to each room as usual and distributed the candy as I had done before.

Years later, I had moved out of state, but I found out who Bertha's granddaughter was. We exchanged emails. It was interesting to find out that she had wondered if anyone was with her grandma when she died.

Once again, God was bringing good out of Todd's death. God blessed Bertha's granddaughter, and He had blessed me, so that I could tell her I was.

30 - Nursing Home Candy Basket

By Kay Heitsch

After getting acquainted with the staff at the group home, I learned that the tutor had a clown ministry, where she would visit a nursing home and pass out candy. Occasionally, she would take some of the girls from the group home with her.

When I learned she was going to need to stop going to the nursing home, I decided, for some unknown reason, I would pick up where she left off. However, I did not wear the clown outfit.

I drove over to the grocery store and bought several different candies, including sugar-free ones, from one of those Brocks displays. I found a basket at home and put the candy inside.

On a Thursday night, Brandon and I drove over to the nursing home with the candy basket. On occasion, I would take some of the girls from the group home with us. We would walk around to each room and let the residents choose the candy they liked. Most of the residents were happy to see us, even if they didn't want any candy.

I noticed when the group home girls came along, they loved these residents, and the residents loved them too. There was no judgment between any of them.

I continued to go to this nursing home on Thursday night for several years. I have written many stories about my experiences there.

I look back now and can see that God was helping me adjust to Todd's death by helping others. Even if it was only a small gesture, like offering a piece of candy or giving a small hug.

29 - Group Home

By Kay Heitsch

As the days went by, I found myself doing things that surprised me.

One afternoon, I decided to visit a girls' group home. I don't know how I found out where it was, but there I was knocking on this big white door.

A large woman opened the door. She gave me a once-over look and, in a gruff voice, asked who I had come to visit.

I smiled and introduced myself, saying I didn't know anyone there, but I wanted to visit with all the girls.

I had a heart for these girls. I knew something must have happened in their past for them to be there. I could relate.

Brandon and I started to go to this group home once a week. The girls loved Brandon. They also enjoyed baking cakes and other treats to show me.

One day, their tutor asked to talk to me privately. I was wondering if I had done something wrong.

I was surprised when this sweet lady told me the girls had told her that I was a Christian. When she asked if I had told them that, they said, "No." So she asked how they knew. They said, "Because Ms. Kay loves us."

Once again, God was bringing something positive out of Todd's death.

28 - Cross Country Team

By Kay Heitsch

Not only did Dom, Susan, and Evy come over, but also Andrew and people from the Cross Country Team, whom Todd had been a part of.

I was so excited about the books that had helped me, I wanted to share them with others. I started to buy booklets by Dr. Peale.

When I learned the team's coach had quit and they were training on their own, I ordered a condensed edition of the book, "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman V. Peale, for each member of the team. Inside, I wrote, "Believe! In Memory of Todd."

Later, I was told that the CC team had dedicated their season to Todd. I am thrilled to report that both the boys' and girls' teams advanced all the way to the State Meet.

I was seeing that God was bringing good out of Todd's death.

27 - Colored Pencils

By Kay Heitsch

When I was typing the tips from Dr. Peale's books for Todd, I did my best to try to skip over any Bible verse Dr. Peale used. I had no use for religion.

I found it fascinating to read, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," Philippians 4:13, at the bottom of each page after Todd died.

Now, I didn't understand what seemed to be motivating and giving me this desire to study the Bible. This was not like me.

Dr. Peale mentioned using colored pencils and highlighting any verse that stood out. I bought a box of colored pencils and started using them.

I found that what was standing out at first were verses about not being afraid and not worrying. I was a big worrier. God knew exactly what I needed.

Interesting that years later, I sat in a Sunday School class and a woman called me out for writing in my Bible. Little did she know.

I was seeing and understanding that things that were drilled in my head by some religious belief were not correct at all. The more I studied, the more freedom I had.

Bill was still drinking, and before he fell asleep in his chair, I would jump out of bed excited when I would find something wonderful in the Bible and share it with him.

However, I still hadn't found any verses about where Todd was, but I was learning so much.

26 - Behavior Change

By Kay Heitsch

After seeing Todd's body in the casket, I was convinced he was not there. But where was he? My Aunt Carmeleta tried to tell me he was there, but it was obvious Todd was gone.

I drove out to the accident site a few times. I'd sit and think, "This is where Todd left his body."

When I bought this paperback Bible, I would hold it to my face and say. "Please teach me what I need to learn and unlearn." I don't remember if I asked about Todd, but somehow I knew God understood.

I got up each morning at 4:00 am and studied until the kids got up. I'd go to bed at night and be studying again.

You have to know I never liked to study. It was strange enough that I was reading Dr. Peale's books from the library, but now I was reading the Bible.

I couldn't understand this total change in my behavior. I was learning so much.

But I was still on a mission to find out where Todd was.