57 ~ Slowly Accepting Todd's Death

By Kay Heitsch

After the announcement and write-up in the newspaper, I began to receive numerous requests to share my testimony.

I have no sense of direction. There was no GPS to help back in the day. Bill laughed and said he knew this must be something God wanted me to do because I would take off.

Every now and then, my friend Dimple would accompany me. Dimple liked to always say she was pushing 100 when anyone asked her age. We were quite the team.

It didn't matter that I had no clue about the directions. Somehow, whenever I asked for directions, people were always willing to help me. Some even had me follow them. I was never late.

My biggest problem was trying to control myself from starting to cry. I would gain control over one part of the message, but then I would choke up somewhere else.

I was asked to ride along with a man and share my testimony at his meetings. We usually went out once a week. I shared with him how I was sorry I couldn't seem to get a grip on my emotions.

What I found interesting was what he told me. He said that when I paused and wiped a tear, it gave the audience permission to show their feelings too. Thanks to him, the pressure was off.

What I was finding out was that, having to tell my story over and over, I was slowly beginning to accept Todd's death.

This may seem odd to some of you. That's okay. But others know that with a sudden, unexpected death of your child, it's hard to accept they won't be walking back through the door they left from.

I could see God was bringing good out of Todd's death, and I was slowly beginning to accept it.