25 - Typing Tips

By Kay Heitsch

As I said before, I had been reading books by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale before Todd died. Actually, I did not know he was a Christian minister.

I thought Dr. Peale might be a psychologist. I was searching for something to fill the void in my life.

Dr. Peale wrote about people who had a life I wanted. He gave tips at the end of some chapters that you could put into practice.

After my dad died, also on February 6th, I had a feeling like I was going to die. I started typing out tips from these books for Todd. I figured he could teach them to Shannon and Brandon when I was dead.

Little did I know these tips were going to be for me.

I also bought a little "Have A Great Day" daily devotional book by Dr. Peale. I put it on the counter in the kitchen. Todd read the day's devotional every morning. He had a journal where I found several quotes from this book.

Dr. Peale was for the unchurched, so he used Bible verses in a way that showed the Bible as a means to help people, like me, become interested in it.

After Todd died, I went out and bought a Good News Bible TEV. I spent hours studying this Bible. I had a lot to learn and unlearn.

My biggest question was, Where is Todd?

24 - Cleared Vision

By Kay Heitsch

Life was going on, and Brandon and I made another trip to the grocery store.

As strange as it seemed, I was beginning to see life in a totally different way than I had before. I was usually in a big hurry. But now things were different. My vision was clear on what was really important in life.

As I was walking down one of the aisles in the grocery store, I noticed an older man. He was looking around, like he was lost. I walked over to him and asked if he needed help. He told me his wife had died, and this was the first time he had gone to the grocery store without her. I offered my condolences and assisted him in finding what he was looking for.

What was odd is that before Todd died, I don't think I would have even noticed this man and his sad look in his eyes.

I understand now that God was using Todd's death to clear my vision of what was important in life.

23 - Dead In Box

By Kay Heitsch

This may sound very strange to some, but I took a picture of Todd in the casket. I don't know if I was trying to come to grips with the reality that Todd was dead or what.

Brandon, who was under 3 years old, was still missing Todd. I had not taken him to the funeral home. When I look back, I should have taken him. A friend volunteered to watch Brandon, and I accepted their offer. It seemed right at the time.

I developed the pictures and showed Brandon the picture of Todd in the casket. I told him Todd had died and he wasn't coming home. It broke my heart.

Every day, Brandon would take out the photo album. He would open the album and say, "Todd dead in the box." He would then flip the album pages over and look at pictures of Todd and himself together, then give me a smile.

Brandon flipped the pages of this album so often that he ripped the plastic pages.

We were all trying to adjust to Todd not coming home.

22 - What Would God Do?

By Kay Heitsch

I wasn't sure what would happen when I gave my life and Todd over to the Lord.

The first thing I noticed was that the anxiety was gone. I also felt excited to see what God would do to bring something positive out of Todd's death.

When Bill came home from work, I met him at the door. He was carrying a 12-pack of beer. Like I've said, we all grieve in our own way.

Immediately, I told Bill what had happened and that I had given myself and Todd over to the Lord.

I said with confidence that I didn't know what God would do, but I was going to be available. I also expressed that I didn't know where I was going or what I would do, but no one was going to stand in my way.

Bill looked at me like I had lost my mind. I'm sure he didn't know what to expect. I didn't know what to expect either.