39 - Potluck and Music

By Kay Heitsch

I wasn't sure how long it would take God to come up with something to replace Bill's drinking. But even if it wasn't happening immediately, I didn't make any suggestions.

I had been seriously studying the Bible, so I decided to find the denomination my mom attended and see, from my understanding now, what they believed.

The first week, I spoke with a sweet older lady named Betty and explained to her why I was there. I also let her know I would not be staying too long.

Once a month, this small church group had a potluck. My homemade desserts were a huge hit. Bill was usually working, but I invited him to stop by on his lunch break. But he wasn't interested.

Betty and I became close friends. I shared with her my prayer for Bill.

One week, much to my surprise, Bill walked into church. The kids and I were sitting in a pew behind Betty. When Betty's daughter began playing the piano to a hymn, Bill started to sing.

When the service was over, Betty turned around and touched Bill's hand, saying, "You have a great voice." Bill pulled his hand back and abruptly got up, leaving the building. Betty was devastated! She was sure she had scared Bill away.

I never asked Bill why he left so quickly. But Betty and I continued to pray.

At the next potluck, I again invited Bill to come over. Much to Betty's and my surprise, Bill came walking in the back door.

After the potluck, Carol, Betty's daughter, came up to Bill and told him her mom told her he had a great voice.

Carol invited Bill to stay after the potluck and sing with her and a couple of others, with some performance tapes.

Betty and I were surprised that Bill agreed to stay and sing with these strangers.

But God was not surprised.

38 - Bringing In The Heavy Artillery

By Kay Heitsch

After I received the phone call that Todd had been in an accident, I called Bill at work. One of the office ladies had lived on County Road 81, so she rode with Bill to the accident site, as he had no idea where it was.

After Bill arrived at the site, he had to identify Todd's body. The jaws of life had to cut Todd out of the car, and all Bill saw were Todd's legs and feet. He knew it was our car and Todd.

Dealing with this site and Todd's death wasn't something any parent would ever want to deal with. Bill continues to work every day, but after work, he would come home with a pack of beer.

I was getting concerned, but didn't say anything. My dad drank a lot, so I was used to being around people drinking. I had an issue myself with drinking years before, so I knew I didn't want to go down this road.

I decided to bring in the "heavy artillery," I liked to call prayer. Every day, when I knew Bill was on his way home, I went into the bedroom and got on my knees and prayed.

I was a new Christian, so I didn't try to tell God what I thought He should do. In fact, I didn't know what to even ask for. So my prayer was short and to the point. Every day, I would pray that God would replace Bill's drinking with something.

Then I waited to see what God would do.

37 - Only Overnight

By Kay Heitsch

Some foster children come in only for an overnight stay. When Brock came in, that's what we were told. However, he was with us for quite some time.

Brock was a cute, very smart 6-year-old. However, his behavior in school caused him to need a tutor in the summer.

Brock and Brandon became fast friends. So Brock insisted that Brandon sit at the table in the kitchen, taking part in all of his lessons. Brandon was all for it.

Instead of this being a challenging time, it was fun and educational for both Brock and Brandon.

We had other foster children who were given special exercises to help with their behavior. One exercise was jumping rope.

I never knew all the benefits jumping rope would do. Not everyone, but several of us jumped rope too, along with the guys. Maybe I should give that a go again.

Being a foster parent can be very challenging and heartbreaking at times. But I truly believe it was something God used to bring something good out of Todd's death.

Never forget, though, that God may have you do something for a time, but when it's over, it's over, and then it's time to move on.

36 - Questions and Opinions When Todd Died

By Kay Heitsch

When your child dies, people have opinions and questions. Here are a few that have stuck with me.

One of the first opinions someone had was that they did not think I was handling Todd's death. My response was, "You're right. I couldn't, so I turned Todd and myself over to God. He's handling it."

I've found that each death is different and personal. We all handle death and grieving in our own way. But people have opinions.

When I became a Booster, I was asked if I was trying to replace Todd with another child. My answer was, "No!" Other children can never replace the child who died.

We had booster and foster children who were from other racial backgrounds. I was asked if I was worried someone would think they were my children. It seemed like an odd question because I never gave that a thought.

In fact, having children from other races and backgrounds was a good experience for all of us. We accepted them as family.

Later in life, Brandon had people from other races wonder and ask why they felt so comfortable with him. Really, that was true for all of us.

In school, Brandon was asked to draw a picture of his family. At a conference, his teacher was confused by Brandon's picture. She said, "I thought Brandon only had one sister." I had to smile when I saw the picture. Brandon included all of his foster brothers and sisters.

Two more...Was your son driving drunk? No! Odd question for the man at the monument store to ask, I thought.

Was your son saved? I'll write about that later on.

People do have their opinions and questions when your child dies. These were a few that have stuck in my mind.

I don't know if I did and said everything right on my grief journey. Let's just say that I did the best I could at the time, with God's help.

35 - I Thought I Had My Limits

By Kay Heitsch

When I walked into the courthouse for a hearing regarding the Booster children, I was met by a lawyer I knew through the Booster program. He asked why I was there. He stated that the case had been canceled and suggested I come up to his office.

We talked and decided it would be the best plan for Bill and me to become foster parents to Ricky and Danyelle. We both enrolled in the program.

I told the LORD I was OK with having Ricky and Danyelle. Plus, He knew I wouldn't be OK with teenagers or babies. That would be too much for me. I had my limits!

The day we legally became foster parents, Ricky and Danyelle moved in. However, not only did they move in, but both of their teenage sisters also moved in with them. A couple of weeks after they were there, the oldest sister gave birth to a baby. I was with her in the hospital at her delivery.

Today, I have to smile! God knew I could not handle having seven children and doing eight loads of laundry a day, and so on. But God could. God knew He was going to work through me, and I was going to be just fine.

We were foster parents and boosters, welcoming 11 children into our home. I will not say that this is for everyone. It can be very challenging, but if it's God's plan for you, He will see you through.

Todd, well, I think he was surprised, but he is happy God was bringing good out of his death.

34 - Where Were They?

By Kay Heitsch

I didn't know what we were supposed to do as a booster. Ricky came over to our home a lot. He was a smart guy and very athletic. He wanted to join football, so I enrolled him in that.

When his sister, Danyelle, turned 7, she was old enough to be in the program, so I became her booster as well.

We had both Ricky and Danyelle for several years. They spent a lot of weekends with us, and we even took them with us on vacation. They became part of our family.

One day, the school called and asked if I knew where Ricky and Danyelle were because they hadn't been in school all week. I had no idea because we would have them on the weekend.

I immediately drove out to their trailer, and there was no one around. This was very upsetting. No one knew where Ricky, Danyelle, and their mother were. It seemed that they had vanished.

I prayed often to hear from them, but it was crickets. Around 6 months later, I received a collect call from their mom. She apologized for not sending me the letters the kids had written and asked if we could take care of them again.

My prayer was answered, but what does this now mean?

33 - Then I Remembered The Bird

By Kay Heitsch

After seeing how God handled Brandon's stuttering by burying the bird, I shouldn't have been surprised when Bill suggested something totally out of character for him.

Bill had been reading the newspaper and told me that an organization in the next town was looking for positive people to serve as Boosters for area kids. Then he suggested I call them up.

I couldn't believe it! Todd had recently died. Why would I want to be a Booster to some kid I didn't even know? I threw the paper in the trash.

Then I remembered the bird. I thought maybe this is something God wants me to do. So I dug the paper out of the trash and called the phone number.

After meeting with Barbara, the lady in charge, and going to a few meetings, I was assigned a boy named Ricky. Little did I know how this would change our lives for years to come.

When I was asked what time I would like to start picking Ricky up, I found myself saying, Around 2:00 on Saturday. Later, I realized that it was around 2:00 on Saturday that I believed Todd had died.

Once again, God was replacing a negative time in my life with a positive one.